A Little Tired of Being "Second Class"

For as blessed as I am - and I know that with a loving husband who works very hard to provide for us, two beautiful healthy daughters, parents-in-law that defy the stereotype, family nearby who are willing to help when needed or even wanted, and some close friends who I care for who also care for me, I truly am - there are times that I wish that it was better. An example of this is what happened these last few days...

All week, I have been working with and around very snotty little kids; Peanut and BooBoo, one right after the other, came down with the smallest colds. It was just enough to make them miserable and wanting cuddles and nose wipes (Peanut more than BooBoo, of course, on the last one), but not enough to even think of slowing them down. It was just as the transition happened between them on Wednesday that the first emotional torpedo of the week hit - my sister-in-law wrote one of the nastiest "none of her friends ever help her and that the last month has really shown her who her true friends are" posts on Facebook that I have ever seen.
Even knowing that she's ill, even knowing she said friends and not family, this got under my skin in a major way. It's not enough I had given her my one family day of the week so Ryuu could drive her where she needed to go (and chauffeured her plenty myself), it's not enough I opened my home to her when she needed it and am watching her dogs, it's not enough that she attempted to put me on a firing line with my husband by badmouthing me to him (which, love him, he shot down immediately and told her would not be tolerated)... Since I count myself as a friend as well as family to her, her words and only one mention of the word "friend" cut me to the core.
My sweet Peanut, two and innocent as only a child can be to the viciousness of language, helped me by getting me out of the house and not letting my emotions do something I'd regret such as write her back. I will tell you here and now, there is nothing like your child asking "Mommy, you ok?" over and over again to break your heart and make you get it together enough to get out of the situation.
The next day, SIL wrote something lovely and thanked us for all we've done and continue to do for her. I still haven't decided if it's enough of a balm - no matter how much people hurt me, I rarely show or tell them. I haven't responded to either post, but it's a lesson about saying something online you'd never voice to someone's face that you Intend for certain people to see - sometimes, without meaning it, the wrong audience will see it and take it personally.

Then there's the issue with being a Stay at Home Mom. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my kids growing and thriving. I can't imagine a better job, especially since I was able to be home with them when they were feeling ill and not have to worry about "sick days"... well, unless you count the day I had a touch of it and was snotty too. ;) Being home all the time (and getting paid in love and kisses) is wonderful, but sometimes you need to get out... specifically, you need to get out without the kiddos. I have had TWO of those moments this week. One was the recovery from the above SIL statement when I just needed a good cry. The other was what this part is about - and, spoiler alert, I didn't get either.
When you're a SAHM, it is assumed by most if not all of the rest of the world that you just sit home on your bum, making every food imaginable from scratch in Pinterest quality (baby clothes too!), and watching Real Housewives and Days of Our Lives. The reality is a little more... 

"Moooooommy... What are you doooooing, Mooooommy?"

What really hurts about this though is that in the schedule planner of outings, if a conflict comes up, I get dropped for the people who don't have "unlimited time." When we have a planned get together, I really look forward to it. When I gave "oh anytime that works for you" as a time, it meant "just let me know so I can plan juice and snack cups and enough pants in the diaper bag and..." because I know that it takes me half hour to change them and get out the door. I don't mind dropping what I'm doing to give rides... unless it's naptime and they're already down. My 'life' revolves around my kids and their activities at this age, and I'm cool with that... I just like having some adult time too so when plans break last minute, yes it does hurt and yes, I do feel like a "second class" friend in your eyes.

I want to say that "boundaries are also slamming up in reaction to more family moving into town. Though I've known for a while it was coming, I don't think I was ever going to be ready for my Grandmother to actually move" but I know that sounds stronger than the reality actually is. I admit, I am a nice person and a helper by nature and often times, that turns too quickly into doormat. I hate for people to be angry with me, and this is made worse by the attitude that has resulted - if I give them what they want, they'll be happy and not hurt me. It sounds worse than it is - more 'actively ignore, simmer in silence, reserve their presence' than anything else - but there have been times where it has caused ... more pain.
The reality of it is that I have had very few boundaries in the past, and it's a struggle to create some. I don't know yet what my Grandmother moving here means for me... or for our relationship. I felt undermined today when I was unable to refuse a loan because my Mom showed up and Ryuu gave her what she asked for before I'd even gotten the chance to think about how to say "No, I have plans for that table. She can't borrow it." It's so stupid, but I care how I say things like that because otherwise I feel selfish and stupid and everything I try so hard not to be.

There's so much I could go on about on this topic... especially after this week's end. But I'll finish with something lighter. I did finish my Mom's project, and she loves it. I'm a good ways through the one for my friend's wedding in 2 weeks (2 weeks!) and ahead of the target time. We're almost done with a super long game of Dokapon Kingdom - like Mario Party but intentionally vicious - because we want to get all the classes and max them as much as possible before finishing Story Mode. I'm half way done with the baby blanket I'm making for Ryuu's student (he's the best tutor at his old school <3 and I'm encouraging him to get a masters to go back and actually teach) and have a plan for which I'm going to call her commission. I now run Moms by Design solely and am in the process of making more projects for it - an iPhone 5 case, a yellow scarf, and a blanket are all in the works. My friend has promised a project or two to help finish our initial setup, but has decided not to be a partner at least for now.

<3 Peace, Love, and Pixie Sticks! <3

Progress Bar:
Sunday Mystery Sampler - only have the black to finish bordering :)
Peanut's - ~24%? (about to start the bottom Bunny and block )
BooBoo's - not started
Welcome Sampler for Wedding Present - need to finish "W" and ending "E" and add another vine with flowers. Considering posting the pattern as well as finished picture for sale when done so y'all can make one too <3
Crochet blanket for JJ - half done. Still playing with Grape Fizz loom blanket :)
Games - almost done with Dokapon Kingdom's Story Mode with Ryuu, just finished Hailfire Peak on Banjo Tooie and going to play more this evening...